Just Be a Parent
By GRACE CLARK
from “Serving Productive Time”
Our youngest, a high school senior, was among the musicians chosen to provide entertainment for the inauguration of our new governor at the governor’s mansion. As typical proud parents, we told everybody to watch the news so they could catch a glimpse of our daughter on TV.
On that same day in January 1979, our oldest was arrested. South Florida citizens had been locking their doors for a week, while TV journalists tracked the progress of the police investigation concerning the latest local crime. In spite of everything, we loved our son.
Reporters specifically assigned to this case at the Miami Herald and the Palm Beach Post printed extensive articles. Headlines in the metro section read, “Methodist Minister’s Son Arrested.” Our secret was out.
We didn’t know a soul who had gone through anything like this before. What’s going to happen? What can we do? This was a foreign world we knew nothing about. We kept to ourselves, and I locked the secret deep within my heart.
I only told my brother, who lived in Massachusetts. I chose to be isolated from accusations and criticism, but deep inside I longed for some friends. Nobody phoned. Nobody visited. Nobody cared. Two days went by. Then on the third day, while I was home alone, our bishop called. He opened Pandora’s box with a simple statement of genuine concern. “Tell me about your situation, Grace.”
Through tears, I explained, “We’re at our wit’s end. How do we find the right lawyer? Do we take out a loan for our son who was arrested when we didn’t take out loans to help our other children who needed tuition? We don’t have much savings. We know nothing about jail and incarceration. Here we are, both trained to counsel, yet we don’t have the slightest idea how to handle this. We just don’t know what to do!”
We felt rejected. Our lives had been tainted. The bishop listened in silence. When I was finished, he offered this sage advice, “You just need to be his parents.”
As we prayed, I was able to turn it all over to God and accept the role of parent. I believed that He knew who would be the lawyers and judge, and that they would be specially chosen. And they were. God made better selections than I would have.
Within a few hours of the bishop’s phone call, several parishioners visited our home. They became our support. It was good to have people to talk to about our secret. Our son served a lengthy sentence in jail and then in the state prison system. Through it all, we finally stopped acting like a minister’s family and became what he needed the most: his parents.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Kairos Outside is a support group for the families of men and women who are or have been incarcerated. For information, see www.kairosprisonministry.org or contact 130 University Park Drive, Suite 170, Winter Park, FL 32792.]
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Just Be a Parent. Reprinted by permission of Grace Clark. © 2007, 2008 Grace Clark from the book “Serving Productive Time: Stories, Poems, and Tips to Inspire Positive Change from Inmates, Prison Staff, and Volunteers” by Tom Lagana and Laura Lagana. See web site: www.TomLagana.com.
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Grace Clark retired from teaching after fifty years. She was married to Robert, a United Methodist minister, until he passed away in late 2007. She has four children and eight grandchildren. Volunteering in prison ministry, Kairos, and Kairos Outside has brought her rewarding experiences. She can be contacted via e-mail at gobobclark@bellsouth.net.
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Comments
By Joseph Chiappetta Jr. on July 8th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
My name is Joseph Chiappetta Jr. and I am a contributor to Serving Productive Time by Tom and Laura Laguna. It’s been an honor and a privilege to participate by providing one of my articles for this book. I believe this book is one of the best of its kind I have ever read. I believe that many people will be inspired and find answers to many questions they have regarding themselves and life behind the walls of prison and hope for returning to the community and being a better person.