PERSPECTIVES
Have you ever had a why me moment? If you don’t know what a why me moment is, I’ll explain it to you. A why me moment is a moment in life when nothing is going your way. It’s a time when things are happening to you and you don’t understand what you have done to bring that hell into your life.
Often I find myself wondering “why me”. Why wasn’t my father around when I needed him? Why did he choose the drugs over his only child? Why did I have to see my mother’s ex-boyfriend beat her with chairs, irons, and anything else he could find? Why wasn’t I strong enough to help her? I tried, but I just wasn’t strong enough. Why did we have to move from our home in Boston far from the rest of my family? Why was it that when my mother finally sent me back home, my grandmother didn’t want me any more? She did her best, but I guess I was just too bad for her to put up with me at her age. Why I wasn’t as smart as my sister was growing up? After all we have the same mother. Why did the judge give me 21 years in prison instead of 13 like the rest of my co-defendants? I wasn’t even 21 years old yet and wouldn’t be for another 4 years. Why was my life so complicated as a kid? My mother did everything she could, but she couldn’t do it alone. These are just some of the things that run through my mind when I have a why me moment.
Yesterday I was watching a weekly program called Frontline on PBS. This program is similar to Dateline on NBC or 60 Minutes on CBS. However Frontline, in my opinion, focuses more of its reporting on global issues than just American issues. Yesterday’s program was telling the story of child soldiers in Uganda. These children, who are as young as 6 to 12 years old, were abducted from there homes by rebel groups and forced to do unspeakable acts of violence. If the child was a girl she was often given to older men within the group and raped repeatedly. The story focused on 4 kids, two were boys, and the other two were girls. These kids found a way to escape the rebel group they were abducted by and found their way back home. The story told how the families of these children did not want them back in the home unless they perform a cleansing ceremony and have access to continued psychological help. They do this because after the violent acts they’ve seen and were forced to commit, from chopping people in pieces with machetes to shooting people execution style. And if they were a girl, they were raped. These kids were never the same after being made to do such things. How could they be? With innocence not given away, but taken from you. One child spoke about violent dreams that haunt him every time he closed his eyes. The cleansing ceremony is supposed to cleans the child from the sins they committed while they were with the rebel group, and only after that would the child be accepted back in the home. The child would be never treated with love and compassion like before they were abducted. But they would be treated with love and fear. My heart ached for those kids.
As I watched the program I said to my self “kids shouldn’t have to experience that side of life. Yes, hurt and pain is an unfortunate part of living which can’t be avoided by any of us. But only should be reserved for adults and shielded from children. Why them?”
When we walk in other peoples shoe’s and see things from perspectives other than our own we begin to notice that hurt and pain is a common foe in life, one that we all must face, usually several times throughout life. Some of this pain is self caused and a lot of it comes into our life for what seems like no reason at all. The fact is that we have to deal with it. We can either get down or lay down. In my own opinion we face such trying times, filled with hurt and pain, so that we may evolve into better people.
As the Frontline program was coming to an end, what was on my mind before that hour, I was no longer thinking about. Before that program I was thinking about the fact that I have never been a free man. I’ve been incarcerated since I was 16 years old. I am now 29. I thought about how I am still paying the price for something I did when I was a kid. The man that exists now is a completely different person from the kid he was. As most people do, I’ve grown up and my thinking has matured. However, no matter how much I’ve grown, I still have to pay the price for my actions as a child. Why me?
At the end of that program I thought, why not me? Why them? Why anyone? Seeing what others face and comparing their struggles with our own in times of great struggle can put life in perspective. We all have our own reality and no matter how painful that reality may be at times, it is our truth and we have to face it in order to evolve and become better people. Come out stronger and not weaker. Learn how to confront that truth and deal with it effectively so that the next generation can face new problems and new truths.
By Charles Anthony Gosman (Inmate AZ DOC)
