Gifts From God
By Jason Beasley
My life was based on a preconceived idea that I could not rely on anyone. It had been suggested that to do so was a sign of weakness. That little seed grew into a tree of distrust, anger and loneliness. I spent a lot of time and energy denying the existence of God. I was empty and spiritually sick. I was one big character defect. Little did I know, while in my denial stage God had already planned to fix me.
You see, His plan was put in motion while I was in the high point of my addiction. My life revolved around drugs, gangs and crime. I was just released out of the hospital after my second over dose on drugs. I had only been out of prison for about six months. Two forms of addiction and bondage held on to me, drugs and prison. I turned my life into a self imposed prison. Getting high was the only relief I felt I could get. Even in this desperation and darkness God placed a woman in my life. She was just as sick as I yet she offered something I was clueless about. Our souls joined and I began to feel a part of something bigger then me, God gave me the gift of human love.
Sometimes when we are given gifts we take them for granted. He needs to take things out of our life so that we may grow and not be distracted from the bigger picture of life. The next gift God gave me was a little harsher and it took me some time to fully understand His plan. I was going back to the physical prison. I received 16 years this time around. I was emotionally drained and without hope. I pushed everyone close to me away. I drove myself to a five by nine cell where I lived for 23 hours a day for five and a half years. I’m sure He knew my decision before hand; I chose to live in mind, body and soul.
It was in this isolation that I began to open myself to new things I was totally foreign to. Change is always a scary thing, especially when you find out that the thing you must change is you. But see, I came to realize I wasn’t at this point alone. I humbled myself and began my spiritual journey. Something was happening now that was invisible to me before. I believe my heart and soul had tapped into something. I had the gift of human love but I had never experience His spiritual love. It was in the high point of my bondage (both physically and mentally) that brought me to the lowest point in my life.
When God takes away the everyday distractions, the addictions and material items it is then that He has your attention. Sitting in a isolated cell you have a choice to listen or turn away. With my help God tore down my old foundations and began to rebuild my life from the bottom up, inside out. I was on a roll now. I established principals, morals and values in my life (things I never cared about before). And I started living by them. From there the seed God planted grew. The roots were no longer shallow they were deep into my heart. I blossomed into a man no longer ashamed to look inside at himself. After five and half years in segregation I emerged from my cold box a new man. Recently God has given me back everything He took or better yet everything I threw away. It was never gone just set aside for me to enjoy with a new heart and a new foundation of spirit.
When we break a bone and the healing begins it never grows back the same. Instead it wraps itself with more support, The muscle gets stronger and the skin almost doubles. I broke a bondage with my family and my first love. That first taste of love He gave me has come back to wrap me in her wings and is stronger than ever. My relationship with my family is now a blessing and learning experience. And the foundation of God is now in my life, shining. My message is to never give up hope and remember life is every changing and a mystery to us as humans but God has planned our life before we were born. It’s up to us to listen and make the choices that heal, strengthen and release us from our self made prison. Life is a gift from God. Life is love.
Life is an enigma.
